emotion & premise

i feel emotion
and desire
but it is nothing to me
nothing but the expressed way of the flesh
animalistic instincts
an expression of the cosmic spirit
the cosmic spirit to grow and spread
just one of the endless possibilities
these emotions may only be such a tool
but one cannot deny their essence
their essence is as real and honest as anything
their essence is true
while emotions themselves are meaningless expressions of the cosmic spirit
given unto us through the flesh
the essence of these emotions remain pure and untainted
i wonder about these emotions
no
i wonder about the essence of these emotions
emotions are nothing to me
meaningless and void
but the essence of them is miraculous
and since i cannot grasp the very idea of myself
as long as i cannot grasp myself
as long as the mist inside my own universe prevents me from seeing it all
the big picture
my world as a whole
which is me
until then i cannot estimate the value and spirit of these essences
emotions only lead to other meaningless and void things
but where does their essence lead to?
cloudy and hidden are their ways
because everything indulges in emotions
but nothing indulges in the essence of emotion
it is too pure for us to conceive
an idea
an ideal
we are only to look at them
and project them into our universes
as an idea
and an ideal
but we cannot reach them
as they enter our minds
the essence becomes tainted
we distort it
twist it
a hollow shell of an ideal
one would have to able to reach not only the twisted projection
but the essence itself
but as we are prisoners inside our own walls of consciousness
it is impossible

the answer.........
no
no it cannot be

are the walls of our consciousness really unbreakable?
if they are not, everything becomes possible
what is consciousness?
consciousness itself is an idea which is distorted the moment it enters our minds
that means although it defines us
we cannot grasp it
that means every statement about it must not inevitably be true
but what is true?
it is nothing we can scale
as we are inside our walls
this is our curse
but it might also be our chance
the unshakable walls might cave in
to us they are immortal
but we distort it
that means either our universe is the only possible one
then it does not matter as it would be the ultimate frontier of existence
but if our own universe does not mark the ultimate border
then it might be possible
yes
yes
what if one creates a universe
in which the walls are not unbreakable in the first place?
could such a universe exist?
then where does consciousness begin?
what is the essence of consciousness?
a rock exists
without a consciousness
bacteria exist
just proteins and DNA
things created by chance
things which proliferate by chance
it is just their existence
like a rock
what are we??
where does a consciousness start?
we are just a macro-molecule
but we create universes
does a rock create a universe?
if existence is one coherent state
then everything should come to ONE THING
one thing which connects everything
an idea
a state
something
if our own minds were the ultimate frontier
then we would be eternal
what is eternal?
no
why should we be eternal?
it does not matter
it does not matter because of the ultimate equilibrium
nothing is better than anything
then why
why
why
why
why
why
why
why
why are we searching for that thing?
even if it exists
the one point in existence itself which contains the essence of everything
and which connects everything
why
why
why
even if we were to be immortal
what would change?
but no
we are distorting everything
no
what is distortion??
the essence does not yield
the distorted essence becomes a new essence
and the new essence is as real as the old one
nothing should be better than anything else
reality is a concept
an ideal itself
why
why
why
why
why
we are searching for the ultimate answer
because it is the essence of the cosmic spirit
but the cosmic spirit itself is...
no
i am spinning in circles
my premise is equilibrium exists
that is why everything i think about spins in circles
equilibrium... a concept
an idea
an ideal
as long as i hold this premise
all i can do is spin in circles

i will have to think about that
and think about this premise
and equilibrium